Sage Mode, or, How Jiraiya Left the Leaf
by Piratefish
Summary: You wouldn't believe how many things would change from FINALLY mastering that stupid mode. As yet pre-series.
1. SM1

Working title: Sage mode.

Jiraiya decides to complete his sage-mode training.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I've had this story in mind for a while, but I couldn't figure out how to get it to work. The basic premise was to swap Orochimaru's and Jiraiya's positions. Such a huge change to the premise of the show would naturally leave an enormous amount of big and small changes to the canon universe, and before I knew it, I was walking around with a hell of a lot of ideas about an alternate universe I wasn't sure how to even _start_.

A couple weeks passed, I worked on other stuff, and lazed around.

Then I saw the newest episode of the anime (235) and it just _clicked!_ But surely, I hear you cry, nothing good can come of _filler?_

In this assumption, my friends, you are wrong. Or so I hope.

* * *

><p>"Hey Jiraiya, the old man wants to see ya. Move your ass!"<p>

The words were spoken to a young, white-haired human, by something that was definitely _not_.

"The Great Toad Sage?"

"He's made a prediction about you."

…

"Holy crap, are you serious, Bunta?" The white-haired young man, still a boy at heart, was practically dancing with excitement.

A very definite nod.

"Awesome!" Taking off, Jiraiya shouted, "I'll continue training later. See ya!"

* * *

><p>"You called for me?" Jiraiya was kneeling on the stone floor, head bowed in a rare show of respect. Outwardly calm, the shinobi was giddy with anticipation. He had a <em>destiny!<em>

His words were addressed to a great, brown toad, as aged as it was huge.

"Ho ho ho, you're here, eh?"

Jiraiya could only nod.

"Hmmm…" The great voice continued. "Who are you, again?"

_What!_

"It's Jiraiya, Great Sage, Jiraiya!" An annoyed voice, coming from a much smaller and younger toad, sitting at the Sage's right hand. Though even this toad was wizened.

"Oh yes, yes, yes. My, you've gotten big!"

An even more annoyed voice, this one female, and from the left. "You called for him yourself, you senile old fart!"

The right wasted no time in retaliating. "Old fart! Ma, don't call the Great Sage an _old fart_!"

"No fighting, children," A bass rumble from the middle. "Husband and wife need to be nice to each other. Now then, who are you, young man?"

Jiraiya, more than a little overwhelmed by this display, could only stare.

Fukasaku took the lead, as this was going nowhere fast. "Jiraiya-chan. The Great Sage had a vision concerning you. As you know, this vision amounts to a prediction of your future. Listen well!"

"Yes sir!"

"Now then… In my dreams, I see you becoming both a pervert without equal… and a shinobi of incredible talent."

_A pervert, really? Sheesh._

"And someday, you will take on a pupil.

"This pupil will become the harbinger of a great revolution in the world of ninja. I have seen as much, in my dreams."

Completely serious once again, Jiraiya sat up straight. "A revolution?"

"He will bring peace to the world, or utterly destroy it… The result of his revolution will be one or the other."

In deep thought, now, Jiraiya tried to think harder than he ever had before. "I see… I think."

The Great Sage's mood did a complete 180. "Good! Remember, you must roam, experience, and _learn_. Travel the world, Jiraiya. All will happen in time. Get back to your training, boy!"

Rising to his feet, the young man bowed. "I will, Great Sage!"

He would become a great shinobi, and he would have a student… who would change the world.

Still, in the back of his mind, Jiraiya couldn't help but wonder. Why was his destiny like this? If his student could change the world, why couldn't _he?_

* * *

><p>Years passed.<p>

* * *

><p>With a final, regretful smile and a wave of his hand, Jiraiya of the Sannin bid farewell to three Ame orphans. He had stayed far longer than he thought he would, gotten to know those kids far better than he ever would have thought. It had been three <em>years!<em> Three years filled with the joys and sorrows of senseihood, and the white-haired shinobi had loved every moment of it. He had a feeling those three would do great things. How could they not, with a sensei as awesome as _he!_

Still, it was time to return to Konoha. Three years was a long time, and though the war was long over, experienced shinobi were needed (as they always were) to fill the holes of wartime, and to educate the newest generation. There was only so much longer his sensei could cover for him. "Away on an extended trip to procure alliances and information for Konoha!" Not a word of it a lie, yet so far from the full truth! Gods, he'd missed the old man! And Orochimaru! And…

Well. It would be good to get back to Konoha.

Jiraiya set to walking.

* * *

><p>A day later, and he was strangely reluctant to take another step. Why-<p>

_Oh, stop lying to yourself. You know _damn well_ why._

He'd been gone _so long_. And while homesickness ached in him, it wasn't enough.

_I'm not ready._

How could he explain this to the old man? He'd announced his arrival, though to the village at large, even to his teammates, it was a secret. He'd wanted it to be a surprise.

_Damn good surprise. The look on sensei's face when he sees me _not _arrive would crack me up, I'm pretty sure._

He needed an excuse.

Wise words from long ago echoed in his mind. About travel, and experience.

_Perhaps this is the right decision?_

Something unfinished, something that would take a while to complete. Away from Konoha and…

Away from Konoha.

A sudden stroke of genius lightened his dreary mood. It was perfect! It was brilliant! It was, so to speak, worthy of the Gallant Jiraiya of the Sannin. Toad Sage!

_Sage Mode, here I come!_

* * *

><p>Months passed.<p>

* * *

><p>It was hard. Damnably hard, but he was getting close, he could feel it. While he <em>still<em> haden't become a true sage, he had become proficient in both kawazu kumite, and, more importantly, chakra sensing. Since Fukasaku-sensei told him those two were only available to _true_ sages, he must be very very _very_ close. But still not there yet. What was keeping him? The great Jiraiya shouldn't get held up like this over a stupid chakra mode!

Still, the wait was far from wasteful. He had gotten in several full _days_' worth of training with his (annoyingly incomplete) Sage Mode. He was far more proficient in combat with the style, and had gained a new appreciation for the skills of "Ma" and "Pa" toad. It still annoyed him, that he had used up almost six months on this so far useless endeavor.

What was he doing wrong?

It wasn't the balance of his chakras, he was sure of that. He had spent SO MUCH TIME tuning, adjusting and feeling out the various concentrations of the physical, spiritual and natural energy that he sometimes had _dreams _spent alone, fixing his chakra concentrations. It was as perfect as he could make it, and he'd very much like to return to his regular dreams of overly affectionate kunoichi.

Mmm… The kunoichi…

Wiping a sliver of drool off his chin, the super pervert got back to business. It wasn't the balance, so what could it be? Some sort of psychological disorder? A hidden tracking seal placed by old man Sarutobi, interfering with his chakra? Permanent brain damage from repeated-

Wait, that psychological thing might have something to it. It was a common (and not entirely false) belief that all great shinobi had a few screws loose, what with the killing, the pressure, the dead comrades, the-

Ok, that dark path was not for today. Still, strong shinobi had issues, and Jiraiya was a _damn_ strong shinobi. But what could it be? He always did his very best to empty himself of all worldly considerations before he entered that damn… ugly… mode…

Oh.

Oh _Kami_.

It couldn't be.

It _had _ to be.

Stilling his suddenly racing pulse, fighting his sudden wave of anguish over something _so damned simple_ taking _so damned long _to figure out.

His body becoming utterly motionless, and for the first time, Jiraiya entered Sage Mode without thought for his own appearance.

Or, more accurately, what the kunoichi would think about his appearance.

And it GODDAMN WORKED.


	2. SM2

Author's Note: A resident of Nadeshiko Village makes her appearance. If you don't have a clue what I'm on about, watch episode 235 of the anime.

* * *

><p>A white-haired man stood alone, in a circle of enormous stone toads.<p>

Jiraiya was ready to return. After his goodbyes to the toads, he decided to take the long way home. A month of walking, experiencing the world would do him good, after being more or less cooped up in Ame, and later Mount Myoboku, for what turned out to be nearly three and a half _years_. Man, that was a long time. He could use another month, to get back in the swing of things.

Giving a gentle nod to those who hadn't managed to master what he had, Jiraiya left.

* * *

><p>Ah, it was <em>great<em> to be wandering again! The people, the foods, nice, soft beds. (Sages-in-training didn't get mattresses.) The hot-springs had gone unattended for too long! What's more, he was far from any ninja village, so the chances of detection was basically nil, and the chances of violent retribution even lower!

Although, he had heard something interesting. There was supposedly a hidden village somewhere nearby, one composed entirely of women! The pervert's vivid imagination went into overdrive, and he emitted a soft giggle. Perhaps he ought to write some of this down?

Anyway, the village was supposedly hidden not too many days walk, and only one days run, from here. A little detour like that couldn't hurt, could it?

* * *

><p>Indignant voices resounded above him. As the Toad Sage hung beneath a bridge, having exhausted his supply of smoke bombs and successfully evaded his pursuers for now, he allowed himself a quiet moment of reflection.<p>

They didn't like being spied upon.

Not surprisingly, as even Jiraiya had long been aware that women were far from as keen to display their luscious forms as he was to observe them. An unlamented tragedy, but such was the way of the world. The super pervert, while he didn't exactly accept that, had at least resigned himself to the fact. Still, these kunoichi's reactions were pretty extreme. He'd only been spying a little! It wasn't his fault the inhabitants of the village were almost universally both athletic and well-endowed! _Just_ the way he liked it. A whole village…

Shaking his head and averting the gleeful grin that had been threatening to form, Jiraiya descended.

"They're so cute, but boy, so dangerous…"

Wait, that wasn't a branch! That was a gorgeous, angry brunette with a sword!

Drawing said object from her back, the brunette sank into a battle-ready stance. "Resign yourself!"

Oh man. Forcing away a momentary blush (being at the _mercy_ of a _village full of beauties_…) Jiraiya was instantly serious. "Sorry, but I can't do that."

_I've wasted enough time here._

Moving his fingers through very familiar seals, the toad summoner slammed his palm to the ground. And poof! Where there was no toad before, now there was toad!

"Gamaken-san! Secret Techinique! Cowardly Exit Jutsu!"

Well. It wasn't really a Jutsu. More like a series of kilometer-long hops from the esteemed Gamaken-san. It did the job.

"You see, I'm clumsy…" Gamaken began his regular lament.

"FOR THE LAST TIME! _No one _is graceful after _that _much sake! Still, good job getting me out of there."

* * *

><p>"Brr! It's cold…"<p>

Kneeling down by the waterside, Jiraiya attempted to rouse himself. With great success. It _was_ freezing, after all.

A flicker of chakra, to his right.

"I didn't expect you to pursue me this far."

"Your technique last night was quite impressive."

Rising, Jiraiya turned his head towards the new arrival. It was the brunette. With the sword.

_And the chest… Easier to appreciate all this in daylight._

"You didn't come all the way here to tell me that, did you…?"

"I've seen your skill, and would like to make a request."

The toad summoner was always open to questions from pretty women. Well. Most questions.

"Fire away!"

"Jonin of Konoha, Jiraiya-dono. Please duel with me, with my hand in marriage as a reward."

All of Jiraiya's thought processes ground to a halt.

_WHAT?_

"Please… explain." It was all he could do to force the words out.

_This _surely_ can't be real._

"We possess a certain… genetic quirk, in Nadeshiko no Sato. We only give birth to female children."

"So…" It appeared his brain was starting again. Still far from normal speed.

"So we need men. Strong men, to keep the village going. Hence the duel."

"So if I win…"

"You will marry me. If you so desire."

"But what… What about you? Don't you have any say in this?"

"My needs are subservient to the needs of the village. Isn't that what it means, to be a shinobi?"

With those words, she gave a short, bitter smile. Still…

_It's not as bitter as it should be. _

"You… want this, don't you?"

She was looking at the ground. Was… was that a blush!

"You seem like an honorable man. If a bit too promiscuous for your own good. And-"

Here she raised her eyes to meet his.

"-If you were married to me, _that_ would not be a problem."

Jiraiya felt his own face redden.

"Eheheheh. So, where and when is this duel?"

"Here. Now."

Ah. Here was something he was more comfortable with.

Battle.

* * *

><p>Hours later.<p>

Two weary combatants facing each other, both breathing hard. The engagement has been harsh on the surrounding landscape. As they both stood and gathered their energy, two massive boulders rolled down into a valley that hadn't existed until thirty minutes ago.

The brunette spoke first.

"Do you give?" Her words seemed… a bit disappointed.

Jiraiya grinned. This was a hell of a woman! The battle had raged on for quite a while, and they had been neck and neck the whole time! Even with his large natural strength, she had held her own in taijutsu. Even with his exceptional chakra reserves, she had held her own in ninjutsu. Even with his stamina, which he had been told by his sensei, the _goddamned Sandaime_, was quite frankly _insane_, she was only as winded as he was. Perhaps less.

_Hell of a woman._

He would win this. Even if only to prove to himself that he could.

"HELL NO!"

* * *

><p>Two weary combatants faced each other, in the midst of a clearing that hadn't existed until their fight. One was breathing hard, though her breaths were calming swiftly. The other…<p>

The other was silent, unmoving. Almost unnaturally so, but it was somehow so natural that the description couldn't be applied.

Slowly, his eyes opened.

They were framed by red, and the red, tearlike markings beneath his eyes, though barely present before, now extended the full length of his face. There were four new lines, extending from his eyes like a sunburst. And his pupils were odd.

They were…

A sudden gale of laughter erupted from the other side of the clearing.

"WHAT?"

Of all the responses he'd expected when he unleashed his ultimate combat mode for the first time in front of a human, it was hardly _this_. More awestruck silence or near-religious worship had featured in his thoughts. Hell, he'd settle for a complete lack of response, if the alternative was _this._

His nose hadn't changed, had it? A quick inventory of his body parts revealed that none were anything less than human. He noted this with a twinge of pride, which immediately vanished when the next burst of laughter emerged from his opponent.

"What the _hell _are you laughing about, woman!"

She must have fallen to the ground at some point, because she lay there now, red-faced and giggling, as she pulled herself to her feet. It wasn't an unattractive position, but at this point the fully realized Sage was too angry to ogle.

She got herself under control. "Your eyes…"

"I'll have you know that these eyes are the result of a perfectly mastered Sage Mode, and nothing at all to laugh about!" He gave a self-righteous sniff, and half-turned away.

"Th-they're also… Identical to a sheep!" And with that, the infuriating woman burst into giggles again.

Eyes narrowed in a (sheeplike?) glare, Jiraiya turned to the nearby lake. And immediately stiffened.

It… It was true…

"Damn it!" Those bastard toads! He'd worked for _months_ so he could look like a _sheep!_

Fingers flying through seals, Jiraiya shouted out: "Senjutsu: Endan!" and scoured the offending water feature from the face of the earth.

Blessed silence.

Wait…

"You're not laughing anymore?"

"It appears you weren't joking about this Sage Mode… To evaporate such a mass of water through a simple flame Jutsu…"

"Heh… That's nothing!"

Turning his gaze upwards, Jiraiya flew through a slightly longer set of seals.

"Senjutsu: Dai Endan!"

The giant fireball flew up, and up, and up…

"It… isn't dissipating."

The white-haired shinobi grinned widely. Turns out coating a technique in Nature's Energy greatly decreased outside interference. His long stay and wide experimentation had paid off after all.

"Nope." Turning his grin toward the swordsmistress, Jiraiya raised his foot, and sharply stepped down.

CRACK!

The dry earth ruptured, a spider-web of cracks emerging from his lowered foot, extending outward. And extending… And extending…

'till he stood in a twenty-meter-wide crater with his left foot as the epicenter.

His pretty opponent could only stare. He hadn't even seemed to put any effort into it!

"And that's not all!"

If possible, the Sannin grinned even wider.

"Ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu are all greatly improved in Sage Mode, but it's the sensory ability that really gets me! For example, I can tell you have backup."

The brunette gave a start at this.

"Fifteen shinobi, waiting roughly a kilometer away. That's too far away for conventional sensing, so you're using that ring you've got under those gloves! One of those fifteen has a linked ring, so they'll all come running with the proper application of chakra!"

His opponent gave a tiny smile.

"I yield."

"As well you should- wait, what?"

"I can't beat you, Jiraiya-dono. I'm pretty much wasted already, and such techniques as these… even if I were fresh, I couldn't win."

"Does that mean we're… married?" In spite of himself, the legendary womanizer wasn't completely horrified by the idea. Hah! That stay with those Ame brats must have really softened him, if he was consider-

A lightly flushed face gazed at him. Eyes full of self-doubt and admiration. Vulnerable. Beautiful.

"Only if you want to, Jiraiya-dono."

And suddenly marriage didn't seem so far-fetched after all.

"I…" He swallowed, "I can't…"

And her face fell.

"I can't marry someone I don't even know the name of!" He shouted.

_That sounded pretty desperate._

Her tentative smile wiped that thought from his mind.

"I am Kaori."

"Kaori-chan."

"Yes?"

"I… don't know what to do. If I leave, you'll get together with some other bloke. He'll be powerful, but there's no guarantee he'd be kind. And that's only if you find someone as strong as the great Jiraiya!"

She managed a sad smile at this.

"That's all true."

"But… there's someone back in the village. She doesn't love me, might never love me, but I love her. Or I did. I'm not sure. I've been away a long time now."

"How long have you been away?"

"More than three years."

Kaori seemed stupefied at this. As well she should.

"Th-Three years! How is that possible? Are you not a shinobi? It's-"

"Insane, I know." Jiraiya let loose a quiet chuckle. "Sensei's the Hokage, and I just fought a war. Me, Orochimaru and Tsunade, we were in the thick of it. We lost a hell of a lot, but we fought damn well. We deserved a break. And It wasn't like I was just sitting around!"

With that, he sat down. And with the last traces of his sage mode, he felt Kaori transmit three sharp bursts of chakra into the ring, and the guards begin to withdraw. She sat down next to him.

"I found some orphans. Or rather, they found me. Apparently they'd been trekking around, looking for the toughest battlefields, for months. Looking for _me_, or at least one of the Sannin. Someone strong enough to stand up to Hanzo, which gives you an idea of their eventual goal. Ambitious little brats. I stayed, with them, for three years."

He felt soft pressure to his arm.

She was looking at him, admiration in her eyes.

"You're a good man."

And those four words gave him more joy than Tsunade ever had.

His throat felt tight.

"No… no. I wouldn't have stayed so long, if I'd been capable of returning. But I wasn't. I couldn't."

She seemed to be on the verge of speech, but he cut her off.

"We all lost people, in the war. Tsunade lost more than most. Her brother, Nawaki, and her fiancée, Kato Dan. Both wanted to become Hokage. Dan probably could have, if he'd survived."

For now, Kaori seemed content to listen. And she did, as traces of anger and deep, deep hurt invaded his tone.

"You've got to understand, Tsunade was a medic! The best of the bloody lot, and she _couldn't save Dan_. Watching him bleed out, after the battle was over, the war was won… It really, really hurt her.

"And I loved her, and I saw she was happy with Dan, so I let them be. But when he died, and she just broke down, I couldn't take it. I poured my heart out, offered her everything, not just my love, but my support. I… just wanted her to smile again. And she just stood there. And walked off."

He heard a soft noise from behind him, but at this point, he couldn't stop.

"It was a recon mission. To send the three of us to check if there was any significant enemy presence left in Ame was redundant. Sensei probably hoped some of that old Team 7 camaraderie could cheer her up. It didn't. When the opportunity can for me to leave, I did. And she just stood there."

He was dry-eyed, but the tightness in his throat hadn't ceased, and his chest ached.

"Of course, even stuck in Ame, training three snot-nosed brats how to survive, I kept in touch. Regular letters, to sensei, to Orochimaru, even to some old Academy classmates, now drinking buddies. And to Tsunade. Guess who didn't reply?

"So I don't know what to do. For a long time, I could hardly think her name, but now I'm ready to return. And then I suddenly get a chance at happiness, far from all the bloody skeletons I keep up here." He thwacked himself in the head. "I just don't-"

"Jiraiya."

He'd almost forgotten there was anyone there.

"Stay here for a while." Kaori stretched out her hand towards him.

Looking into her eyes, he could see attraction (curse his perverted mind!), respect, admiration, and sorrow. All for _him_.

He'd been gone three- and-a-half _years_ already! He couldn't waste any more time!

"Alright," he said, and took her hand.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Yes, the sage mode eyes are identical to those of a sheep. In fact, Kishimoto couldn't have found a _less_ badass animal to base the eyes off of if he'd _tried_. Google it if you wish.

Though I suppose it's what you do with them that matters.

And Jiraiya's eyes are red, not orange, so they are _slightly _less similar than Naruto's sage mode eyes.


	3. SM3

**Author's Note:** So Kaori is more or less an OC. The only thing we know about her from the anime is that she equaled young Jiraiya in combat (without sage mode) and that she eventually had a daughter. We weren't even given a name!

As such, please give any impressions or complaints voice (or text). The writing won't get any better if you don't criticize (constructively, if possible)!

* * *

><p>He ended up staying for more than "a while". Three months, with increasingly annoyed letters from his sensei appearing more and more frequently. It seemed he really did have to go, though yet again the young Sage found himself reluctant to return to Konoha. This time, however, it was a reluctance to leave the place he had ended up, rather than reluctance to return to his hometown.<p>

Aah, time was up. He'd enjoyed his time here.

Walking through the medium-sized village, he received a few questioning stares (men weren't common here, particularly not those with obvious shinobi training) yet those were far fewer than before. It seems he was becoming known. It wasn't like there'd be an announcement, or anything, he'd almost been attacked when he first arrived, by some kunoichi who recognized him from his first expedition. Jiraiya had been uncharacteristically discreet. He hadn't even been peeping (more than ten times), and had spent most of his time at the training fields. He was headed there now, in fact.

To say goodbye.

Hadn't actually gotten together with Kaori yet, either, which surprised him a bit. They had an odd sort of relationship. Sort of like team 7 had been, really, before the end of the war and Dan's death. They were companions. Friends. They sparred, talked and ate together, but so far nothing more than that. He'd been convinced there would be an immediate marriage, followed by frequent consummation (not now! He had to be serious!), but apparently there was no rush. They were both young, after all. He hadn't even given his answer to the proposal yet… something he probably should.

A familiar face. "Yo, Tokiwa-san."

The tall, slender teen scowled back at him. A capable Doton user, she seemed to be Kaori's servant or whatever, and was angry with him for something. Maybe he should find out why?

Nah. Too much work. He was leaving anyway.

The training field was his favorite place in the village. Not just because he'd had some pretty good spars there. Dozens of kunoichi were present here at almost every hour, and while they weren't in a state of undress, as in the hot-springs, they were also glistening with sweat, and sometimes… sometimes…

A tiny giggle.

Sometimes gasping for breath! And the standard uniform here was _far_ more revealing than in Konoha! Man, he loved this place!

But now he was leaving.

And there she was.

"Kaori-chan!" Waving enthusiastically, the greatest shinobi in the village greeted his sparring partner. Hey, it was true. Kaori was basically their Kage, and he'd beaten her, so there.

"Jiraiya-kun!" Her eyes lit up, as they always did. He felt a stab of regret.

He crossed the distance to her in silence.

"What's wrong?" Something gave him away. Damn. Well, it wasn't like he was gonna sneak off in the middle of the night (again), so it was best if he said goodbye.

"I… have to return to Konoha. I've had, more or less, a valid reason to be away up to now, but now I've been keeping quiet about why I'm not coming, and sensei's getting _mighty_ pissed. So he's given me an ultimatum. I gotta leave, today."

"Aah." There was a melancholy look to her, now. "Well, we knew this was coming. You couldn't stay away from Konoha forever."

"True."

"Still there is one thing. I have to know. Will you return?" There it was again. That vulnerable look. He hated it and loved it. How she was so close to pain, yet how much his decision mattered.

_She really cares, doesn't she._

"Of course! In fact, it's time for the great Jiraiya to show his genius once again!" His genius certainly far surpassed his modesty. Fingers whipping through seals, he bit his thumb, and smacked his hand to the ground. In a poof of smoke, a fairly large, blue-striped, orange toad appeared.

And commenced an odd, shuffling dance, in tandem with an enthusiastic Jiraiya. They ended it in a dramatic pose, each with one hand stretched towards the sky.

Kaori couldn't hold back a small smile.

"Sorry Gama-kun, this isn't an introduction. Nice footwork though!"

The toad gave a disgruntled croak, and crossed his arms across the bandage on his chest.

"Still, I have an important task for you. I've got to go back to Konoha, but I'd like to visit this place pretty often. So if you stay here, I'll summon Gamaken whenever I have time to visit, he'll reverse summon himself to you, and you'll reverse summon me! Brilliant, right?"

Gama gave a considering nod.

"Oh, and by the way, this is Kaori-chan. She's a… friend, I guess. She's pretty strong, so if you wanna spar, ask her!"

Gama nodded at the brunette. "He doesn't talk much, does he?"

Both summon and summoner slowly shook their heads.

The more vocal of the two opened his mouth. "Anyway, I better get going. See ya soon, Kaori-chan."

Turning away, the Toad Sage was enveloped in a hug, and found himself staring into a pair of joyful green eyes. "See you soon, Jiraiya."

And with a quick touch of soft lips on his own, she was gone.

Half an hour later, a few kilometers from the village, the white-haired man discovered he was still grinning widely.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>There. Done. Quick and dirty.

Well, not really dirty, but pretty damn quick.

I feel I deserve a small break, with four chapters posted in three days, one of them the longest chapter I've ever written. Still, you might see more tomorrow!

Next stop: **Konoha!**


	4. SM4

He was finally back. As the great gates of Konoha came into view, Jiraiya let loose a loud whoop.

"I'm HOOOOOOOOO-"

He was rudely interrupted by a materializing ANBU.

"Jiraiya-san. Proceed to the Hokage Tower immediately."

"-OOOOme. Yeah, whatever." Despite his words, he was pretty nervous. He knew he'd been toeing the line, and the old man could be truly _sadistic_ when angered.

As his fingers rose in the seal for a Shunshin, Jiraiya's mind was filled with all sorts of horrific punishments. All painful, yet all painfully unrealistic . It _was_ pretty unlikely that the Sarutobi would have him dissected, used as a punching bag by Tsunade, or as a sacrifice to appease Manda.

Wasn't it?

* * *

><p>It didn't take long for the Hokage's door to open, something which filled his wayward student with even more dread. The position of Hokage was a demanding one, and if the old man had taken time off to see him, it meant he had something <em>special<em> planned.

"Ah, Jiraiya-kun! _Do _come in!" The words were nothing less than polite, in both form and tone, so why did the invitee feel so unsettled? Was it because, in all the years they'd known each other, Sarutobi had _never_ talked like this to him?

"Hello, sensei. Been a while." It had. While his sensei still didn't look _old_, he definitely looked old_er_. Close to four years of time under the Hokage's hat would do that to a person. Man, Hokage wasn't the job for him.

"Indeed it has, indeed it has. While I know you have used _some_ of your time productively, you _still_ haven't told me what you were doing after you left the toads."

"I was returning to combat readiness, sensei." It _was_, technically, true. He hadn't got much actual combat during his time with the three in Ame, and while he had been fighting a fair amount at Myoboku, he hadn't been facing human opponents, and all their endless trickery. Facing off against a large fraction of the shinobi forces of Nadeshiko Village had certainly put him back in the shinobi frame of mind.

"And this couldn't be done _in Konoha?_ And _why_ did you not see the necessity of _ telling_ me this?_"_

"I… suppose I thought I'd earned a bit of trust…?"

"It's not about _trust_! It's about rules, and regulations, and NOT RUNNING OFF FOR FOUR YEARS WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE WHERE!" The anger of the "Shinobi no Kami" was abrupt, tempestuous, dangerous. And, equally abruptly, it stopped.

"So, Jiraiya-kun, to ascertain that this trip has not, in fact, been a waste of time, you will be have a spar."

Well. That wasn't so bad. Even before he'd left, there weren't many in the village that could equal him. And since even his regular shinobi skills had improved greatly in his absence, he would probably win more-or-less any confrontation fairly easily. Unless…

"It's not _you_ I'm sparring against, is it?" That would be bad. Even with Sage Mode, he probably couldn't last that long against the Sandaime, never mind win. The man _had_ trained him, and had a couple decades worth of experience more than he. Jiraiya was not fool enough to think that the long years in the Kage's chair had _softened_ the man.

He was grinning. Why was he grinning? "Of course not, Jiraiya-kun, I am much too busy. You will meet your opponent at training ground 23, in…" The man glanced at his watch. "Three minutes. It has been _specially _reserved. Good luck."

"Thanks… I guess." He didn't have much time. His return had made things pretty hectic. Jiraiya vanished in the Shunshin again.

Rooftop. Three miles from his destination. He repeated the jutsu, and was engulfed in the familiar feeling of rushing wind.

Side street. A bit over two miles. Whoosh.

Forest path. Less than a mile.

Strictly speaking, he would have been able to reach his destination easily even without the Shunshin, but the Sandaime's demeanor had put him on edge. He was acting _really_ weird, which meant the super pervert was in for it. Best to be prepared, and this way, he had time to gather Nature's Energy.

* * *

><p>Two minutes and thirty-three seconds later, his opponent arrived. It was an ANBU, in a green striped cat mask, with completely unfamiliar chakra. Jiraiya couldn't even see any distinguishing marks. He carried the regular ANBU tanto and nothing else, was of fairly average height and build for a shinobi, and his hair was a nondescript brown. Perhaps he was a bit on the tall, lean side.<p>

"You planning to get up?" The guys _voice _was average too! Though he _was _finding Jiraiya's meditation a bit too funny, given that he was about to fight a Sannin.

"I am. You might want to call a medic, or something. I don't see this as being too much of a challenge." In truth, he thought the opposite. But it _could_ give him advantage if the opponent thought he was being underestimated.

"You might be surprised." The man's voice was unmistakably amused. He was probably grinning underneath the mask. Weren't these guys supposed to be emotionless?

"Anyway, I don't feel like fighting in this thing today. I don't really need _another_ mask."

Oh, no.

As the unfamiliar man took his porcelain mask off, his hair turned from a dull brown to an eye-catching silver.

"I don't think we've met before, Jiraiya-san." Underneath his first mask, his grey eyes were glittering with mirth. The rest of his face was covered. "I am Hatake Sakumo, better known as Konoha's White Fang. You might have heard of me."

Trying to hide the sudden nervousness that surfaced when his suspicions were confirmed, the taller man rose to his feet. He had Sage Mode. He'd be fine.

"Shall we begin?"

Jiraiya nodded, and the man drew his tanto. The blade flashed into white fire.

"Don't worry, I won't cripple you."

Jiraiya was busy forming handseals.

"Senjutsu: Endan!" The technique was useless against an opponent of this caliber, unless completely immobilized beforehand, but the _way_ it was evaded might give Jiraiya some insights into his adversary's style. The man just stood there, waiting for it. Once it was almost on him, his sword's flame intensified, lengthened.

Jiraiya almost smirked. _Perfect._

The chakra saber easily sliced through the Endan, and just as easily ignited the highly flammable oil that was the core of the technique. Sakumo's eyes widened, and in an instant, he was gone.

Sage Mode was just so _useful!_ Throwing a brace of kunai _before_ the ANBU emerged from his Shunshin, Jiraiya performed the Yomi Numa_. Perhaps this would be easier than he thought?_

The kunai arrived only a moment after the White Fang, and he jumped forward, over the deadly knives. As the swamp raced towards him, he simply swept his blade in an overhand arc, sending forth a crescent of orange fire. It baked the mud of the swamp into hard earth and continued toward the Toad Sage.

_Apparently not._

Calling up a quick mud wall, Jiraiya bit his thumb in preparation for his favorite jutsu. So the bastard liked kenjutsu then! He'd show him kenjutsu!

Or rather, Bunta would.

At the same time as two blazing slashes reduced the mud wall to dust, a huge amount of smoke filled the air, signaling the arrival of Jiraiya's largest summon.

The battle paused for a moment.

Gazing upward, the White Fang let loose a low whistle. "Not bad, Jiraiya-san."

"This is a spar, 'Bunta, so don't go overboard." Then, to the other, "You're a summoner too, right? Why don't you call someone to keep 'Bunta entertained?"

"I don't have anything quite _that _big." Shifting his grip on the tanto, the silver-haired shinobi seemed to grin. Hard to tell. "Then again, I don't need it."

And his sword _exploded_.

The white flames expanded so rapidly it seemed impossible he hadn't burnt his hands off. They swelled in size until they reached about half the size of Gamabunta's cleaver.

Did he mention that Gamabunta's cleaver was _fucking huge_?

The two swordfighters nodded to each other. Then rushed forward.

Several swift slashes were exchanged, though even Jiraiya could see that Sakumo had the advantage in speed. Gamabunta also realized this, and decided to simply overpower his opponent. Putting all of his _massive_ strength into a push, his sword flowed forward almost without resistance. Sakumo's blade had remained still. Where the two swords had clashed was where 'Bunta's blade now ended.

The enormous toad looked thoughtfully at (half)his sword for a moment.

"Fuck this."

And in a massive gout of smoke, the toad was gone. Jiraiya's jaw literally dropped.

Not giving him a moment to recover from the shock, the ANBU was instantly in front of him. Luckily, the sensing abilities of Sage Mode gave him enough time to defend himself, (by that he meant dodge. He wasn't about to try to _block_ that thing) but now he couldn't get away. The Hatake was stabbing, slicing, kicking, punching, driving him back with a perfect series of controlled blows. Still, he was avoiding everything, and right _there _was his opening. Jiraiya smashed a senjutsu-enhanced fist at his opponent's chest. And watched as Sakumo moved _quite _a bit fasterthan he had yet in the battle. The punch went wide, far wide, the Kawazu Kumite barely grazed. Even so, the White Fang was knocked back a meter. He wasn't injured, or, at least, his arm wasn't broken. Even so, he was more wary than before.

"Interesting."

And in a movement so fast that even _Sage Mode_ could hardly register it, the white fire was at his throat.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, was it a good fight scene? If you don't say anything, they won't get better.

Gamabunta hasn't yet reached his full size, but I'm imagining him a fair bit larger than Gamaken in episode 235. There's a reason he's the boss. His cleaver is the same size as in the series.

Yeah, I gave Sakumo a cat mask. Putting the only dog summoner in ANBU in a dog-mask is a really good way to give away his identity to anyone with half a brain. Also included a hair-changing genjutsu to the thing, 'cause long, silver hair is also a bit of a giveaway. A mask is supposed to conceal identities, so surely it's not too much of a stretch.

Warning: Long, probably unnecessary rant ahead!

Sakumo had to be ridiculously strong. There's no mention of his clan in the series, other than to do with himself and Kakashi, and as his name (Sakumo=crops or agricultural products, Hatake=farmland) is EXTREMELY farm-oriented, meaning his parents were probably farmers. His teacher is never mentioned either. Put all this together, you get some unwanted farmer's son, sent off to be a ninja. In feudal European culture, the firstborn son inherited the farm, other sons were generally sent into the army or the priesthood where they would be out of the way. I assume it would be at least similar in feudal Japan-based culture. Sakumo then proceeded to get himself some no-name sensei.

And became a more well-known, and a more feared shinobi than the Sannin. Collectively. The three students of the Sandaime Hokage, including Hashirama's granddaughter, were less renowned than a guy who was (probably) the son of some random farmer who didn't even want him. His sensei isn't mentioned in any way throughout the series, so I assume he was a jonin of somewhere near Ebisu's skill level, something which is more of a handicap than you'd think. In the series, there are only a handful of ninjas who we KNOW went on to become S-rank without having at least SOME instruction from another S-rank shinobi. I can only think of four offhand: Sakumo, Hashirama, Madara, and Itachi. Which of these does NOT have a bloodline, clan, biju or other (relatively) easy path to power?

It has been said, at least in fanon, that he was stronger than the Sannin combined. I can't recall reading that in canon, but even without that fact being necessarily true, he probably was pretty badass.


	5. SM5

The flaming whiteness being pressed against his neck wasn't burning him. In fact, it was cold. Not freezing cold, but definitely chilly. How odd.

"A worthy match, Jiraiya-san. Now, let us- What happened to your eyes?"

The odd, red coloring that had been present was gone, as were the most of stripes .

Jiraiya gave an odd sort of grin, ran forward, and impaled himself on the flames.

And burst into smoke.

From the other side of the clearing, a voice called out: "Senjutsu: Sekiyu no Tsunami!"

A tidal wave of dull, brown oil flooded the area. It would soon disperse, there was nothing to stop it simply seeping across the forest and evaporating in the heat. Before that, however…

"Senjutsu: Dai Endan!"

Toad oil was _very _flammable.

The White Fang instantly responded. Leaping straight up into the air, he began forming seals, even with his sword firmly grasped in his right hand. "Raiton: Rairin no Arashi!"

This time, his sword erupted into _lightning, _and the famous nin curled into a ball and started spinning. Slowly at first, his form was soon a blur. Then the lightning increased in intensity until it was hard to look at, and what was now a crackling, hideous blur of lethal energy hit the ground. And rushed forward.

_Oh shit._

Toad oil was _flammable_. The result of that: what wasn't already burning ignited when it came into contact with the lightning. The rapid acceleration of the electric ball (sometimes shooting lethal arcs of energy) dragged the now wildly burning oil _with_ it. A giant wave of _fire_, led by an orb of _screaming death,_ was speeding towards an unfortunate Sage.

Who, with a very slight whimper, sank into the ground again.

The Kage Bunshin had worked as expected, maybe even better. He had created it and lowered it into the ground when Sakumo had been dueling 'Bunta. The plan was for it to engage from below when it had the opportunity, if necessary. When the White Fang had _almost_ dodged the Kawazu Kumite, he'd switched, just in case. It turned out to be the right thing to do.

Since he was apparently outclassed in taijutsu, he'd gone straight to heavy-duty ninjutsu. Exactly _how_ he'd gone from unleashing a torrent of burning oil to cowering beneath the ground wasn't clear in his mind.

It didn't matter. Time to get serious. As he jumped out of the ground some distance away from where he'd descended, he tried the next ninjutsu in his arsenal.

"Senpo: Kebari Senbon!"

Without the aid of Fukasaku and Shima, he could only manage a short burst of needle-like hair, but it was a wide-area, and more importantly, _damn fast_ technique.

Still, it wasn't fast enough. It seemed the White Fang had anticipated his intent, for the moment Jiraiya emerged from the ground, he stamped his foot and was hidden by an earthen wall. It wasn't even complete when the needles struck, but it was tall enough for Sakumo to duck behind.

Damn it. What else could he do? There was always uprooting a tree or two and using them as clubs… No, he'd sliced through _metal_ easily enough. Wood wouldn't cut it. He could just _throw_ the damn things at him-

Wait. He had a better idea… Shunshining to the jagged, rocky crag at the edge of the training ground, Jiraiya yet again formed seals, ending with his hands clasped together in the "Snake" handseal.

"Doton: Yama no kyukei yashi!" Purposefully holding back on the Natural Energy still in his system, Jiraiya smacked his palm into the ground. Sakumo was holding his ground, warily watching for an attack from below, as a cloud of dust obscured his view of the hillside and resident Sage.

A rock the size of a small house flew out of the dust cloud.

That was fairly easily dodged. If that was the extent of the jutsu, mayb-

Another rock. This one _faster_.

It was the second of _many_.

The grinning Jiraiya was really beginning to get into his stride. The boulders were coming faster, more frequently, and more accurately. Also, Sakumo was slowing down. His grin faded slightly. Even he, famed as he was for his recklessness and durability, wouldn't chance so close a shave as the White Fang was risking with some of those rocks. He was probably getting tired. It did make sense. The ANBU was a high-intensity fighter, built for speed, not endurance. With that in mind, Jiraiya began decreasing the intensity of his barrage. Grasping another giant rock, his grin returned in full. Oh, yeah! This one was a _real_ beauty, if the weight was any indication!

And he sent it flying.

Huh.

That one had been at least twice as heavy as its predecessors, yet only half as large! What was it made of? Lead?

Finding a quite _ginormous _rock, he prepared to hurl it too. Instead, he could barely lift it, and he felt really, really tired.

Oh, damn. Sage Mode was gone.

His opponent took advantage of the let-up to take cover beneath one of the boulders, and waited.

And waited.

Suddenly, he rushed out and sent a slash of orange flame towards Jiraiya, before ducking behind cover again.

The tall man barely dodged. Man, he _was_ tired.

And in a moment, Sakumo was in front of him, flameless sword to his throat.

"Good fight."

"Yeah."

The two men surveyed their work. Traces of oil clung to the ground in patches and the surrounding grasses and trees was charred, blackened shadows of what they had been. A muddy swamp covered about a quarter of the substantially larger clearing, with a line of flame-scorched earth running through it. In roughly the center of the oil-spill, there was a deep, straight trench digging through the ground, and the whole area was littered with huge rocks. The hill to the side of the battlefield was also substantially smaller.

"_Damn_ good fight."

"Yeah."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Phew! Longest fight scene I've ever written over! Here comes the longest Author's Note!

Who knows, the next chapter might even have _plot!_

For all you Naruto-fans out there, he won't be showing up for a while. It's years before he's even _born_, at this point. Maybe I should change the character list.

This is my first time submitting more or less original jutsu, and my strategy was as follows:

Find out what I wanted the technique to do,

Mess words around in Google Translate until I found something that sounded cool.

Tell me if it worked!

The Senjutsu: Sekiyu no tsunami is the precursor to the Goemon (you know, when Jiraiya, Ma and Pa get together and produce a veritable _sea_ of flaming oil.) The Sekiyu is the middle part. According to Google Translate it means oil tsunami.

The Rairin no Arashi (in GooTrans I got it from "Lightning Wheel Storm") is a bit like the human bullet tank Choji uses, except it replaces morbid obesity with _lightning!_

The Yama no Kyukei Yashi (mountain break palm) was pretty sweet, I thought. It probably doesn't need an explanation.

You might have noticed that Sakumo uses two sealless, voiceless jutsu in the fight. I believe something like these techniques are a necessity for a kenjutsu demon of Sakumo's caliber. What do you want to do when you're fighting a swordsman who can cut _through_ other swords? Stay the _fuck _away and use ranged ninjutsu, that's what (or rocket launchers or something, in the real world). The two jutsu he uses (flame arc and earth wall) are such an efficient counter to that strategy that, in this story, Sakumo has used them so often that he doesn't need seals or anything.

My comment during the last update was apparently wrong. Of those four ninja I mentioned who turned out S-rank without (known) interference from another S-ranker, Itachi doesn't count, as he received information (about the Mangekyou and other stuff) and probably training from Fake Madara. That leaves us with Real Madara, Hashirama and Sakumo. And possibly Danzo, now that I think about it.

By the way (CRACK THEORY WARNING, SPOILER WARNING) is it possible that Old!Sarutobi, and thus, to an even greater degree, Young!Sarutobi is the greatest ninja in the series? At the moment in the manga, Real Madara is fighting the five Kage (+ a very tattered Naruto clone and some other dudes), which is pretty insane. Hashirama beat Madara AND the Kyuubi. Old!Sarutobi beat Hashirama, Tobirama AND Orochimaru (not his fault he had too little life-force to seal the WHOLE snake, which, by the way, I'm STILL a bit pissed about. Sarutobi had just basically given back two stolen souls, and the Shinigami didn't even seal the whole Orochimaru? And don't tell me it's about chakra, there is nothing even REMOTELY comparable between Kyuubi's and Minato's chakra levels, and that went fine.) so, naturally, he must be the strongest ninja in the series. Except the Rikudo. And possibly Maito Gai. If we define strong as "the ability to destroy whoever and whatever you choose" EightGates!Gai could conceivably kill anyone in the series, except Fake Madara, and that's only because he'd be cowardly and intangible until the Death Gate did its job.


	6. SM6

**A/N: **So it turns out I took a bit of flak for the last fight. Who'd a thunk it? Well, myself for one. If you thought the last fight was awesome or realistic, feel free to skip this.

I ended the fight the way I did for a reason. Or several, in fact.

Jiraiya isn't unbeatable. He is stronger than he was in canon at this age, but not yet up at the level he was when he died. Experience counts for a hell of a lot (except in Kishimoto's mind), and he is only getting stronger, but he's not there yet.

Completed Sage Mode isn't necessarily better than assisted Sage Mode. The reason is, of course, that you have two OTHER Sages helping you with attacks, channeling Nature's Energy into you, and compensating for any weaknesses in your fighting style. For example, the Magen: Gama Rinshō, or the Toad Confrontation Chant, compensates for Jiraiya's relative weakness in genjutsu, with, in my opinion, the greatest genjutsu yet shown in the series. If Jiraiya had thought to summon Fukasaku and Shima, he would have been able to stay in Sage Mode for much longer, use collaboration techniques such as an instant Goemon, and having the two making attacks of their own.

The combination of completed AND assisted Sage Mode, however, would be _pretty_ dangerous.

Sakumo's power/age. One reviewer pointed out that "Sage Mode Jiraiya would whup Sakumo's ass", despite the fact that we know, as I have pointed out, NOTHING about his power levels. Another mentions that, at this point in the story, Sakumo would be a bit "washed up" due to age. It would be cool if there was a proper Naruto timeline, but seeing as there isn't, I make the rules. At this point Jiraiya and his teammates are 25/26, and Sakumo is closer to thirty. That means he is about the same age as Kakashi in the series, who is definitely not "washed up" at this point, and in fact only seems to be getting more badass. Sakumo is at his absolute peak when it comes to power. The only reason he failed that crucial mission was that he saw his teammates were about to die and decided to slaughter his way out. He hasn't done that yet, by the way.

Rant over. Enjoy.

* * *

><p>"You <em>destroyed<em> a training field! It will take an enormous amount of effort to get that place fit for use again!"

"We apologize, Hokage-sama." Sakumo was doing most, indeed all, of the apologizing. Jiraiya was just grinning.

"Sakumo! I wanted you to _chastise_ the boy, not engage in wanton destruction!"

"Again, I apologize, though any lesser use of force wouldn't have worked."

"Hmmm… Jiraiya!"

"Don't worry sensei, I'm well and properly chastised!" Jiraiya was, if anything, grinning even wider.

"You are not, _boy_, and do not test my patience. You have one week from now before your first mission. Dismissed!"

* * *

><p>Ah, Konoha! So vibrant, so full of life! Good food, good booze, and good fighting! It was all a proper shinobi needed!<p>

Man.

He missed Nadeshiko.

Though he was back, three years had passed, and he didn't feel quite as _at home_ here as he used to. As he still did, in the remote, _actually_ hidden village. It wasn't just the overly large female population, Konoha had its share of beauties as well. He had a sneaking suspicion he _knew_ what, or rather _who_, that sense of belonging could be attributed to. At least he could return whenever he wanted. Jiraiya imagined she would like to hear of his epic battle (and subsequent defeat).

He wanted to return now.

But he _couldn't!_ He could manage on his own. He shouldn't seem desperate, though he kind of was.

He would at least complete whatever mission his sensei had in store for him before jumping over there. Yeah.

And he would see his teammates as well. That might be fun.

* * *

><p>"Yo, Orochi." He extended an arm to his best friend's shoulder.<p>

In a blink (a surprisingly long time for a skilled shinobi), Orochimaru had turned, grabbed his teammate's throat, and lifted him bodily off the ground. The snakelike face was twisted with rage, and his other hand was glowing with purple, flamelike energy. It was ready to punch. The Sage had to admit, it was a bit intimidating. And strangely _passionate_, for the snake.

"Tell me why I shouldn't _break_ your _face_?"

"Third… already… did…"

"Hn… You _do _look pretty beat up… Spill it. I'll smash you later, if I find it necessary." So saying, Orochimaru released his captive.

"Man… have you been taking lessons from Tsunade, or what? So blunt and forceful… And was that her super punch you were about to use?"

While he'd been pretty blatantly angry before, Orochimaru's face now took on a sort of quiet, helpless rage. The kind which couldn't find an outlet, and just stayed, and festered, and slowly _changed_ its host. Best tread carefully.

"I have."

"B-b-b-but I thought she wouldn't share those things! You _know_ I've asked! And didn't you say you'd find your own way to power, so we'd have different, complementary, skills?"

"I did."

"Don't be cryptic! Answer me!"

"Tsunade _changed_, when Dan died."

"I know that! Don't you think I know that?"

"She hasn't changed _back_."

A horrible weight settled in Jiraiya's stomach.

"She just sort of… Goes _along_ with things. Does what she's told. Does her duty. But there's no spark, no life. Definitely no joy.

"Sensei and I… We've _tried_, to get to get her _moving_ again, but she just _won't_. So we've settled for things like training. Things where she _has_ to think, _has_ to lead, _has _to retain some trace of what she was.

"Like training me. I've nowhere near the control to hit as hard as she does, but you wouldn't want to get punched. I've taught her some ken- and fuuinjutsu in return."

Somehow, falling into regular habits was simple as dying.

"You _suck_ at fuuinjutsu."

"Better than her."

"True."

"_Jiraiya_. We've done all we could. She's only getting worse. You have to do something. You were always closer to her than me."

"Wasn't she a fangirl of yours at one point?" Lighthearted banter, while he was tearing apart inside. It was always like this.

"No. No, she never was."

"I… don't think I can…"

"If you don't see her by tomorrow, I _will_ kill you."

* * *

><p>It was a time and day when Jiraiya would usually be well into his cups (six o'clock on a Thursday. He never could get a hang of Thursdays), but the Toad Sage was annoyingly sober. You had to be, when breaking into any shinobi's residence. Particularly shinobi of the super-strong, hair-trigger temper variety.<p>

"Tsunade! Hey, Tsunade!" There she was, sitting on the bed. The woman, Jiraiya realized, he still loved. Staring blankly into space.

"Tsunade…"

He couldn't take this. Had to get out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Yeah, Orochimaru's OOC. It's 25 or so _years_ before canon, people. A lot can change, and a lot will. See chapter 1's story details for further info. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Drop me a note if you did, and especially if you didn't.


	7. SM7

The week passed quickly after that. It was time to see the old man. Head pounding slightly, due to the remnants of a _vicious_ hangover, Jiraiya set of to the Hokage's office. Hopefully it would be a quick, easy mission, and he could get back to nursing his headache.

* * *

><p>"You want me to <em>what?"<em>

"Train these three. Heavens, it's not that hard to understand, Jiraiya-kun."

It wasn't, yet he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it. "_Train_ these three? They're like, seven!"

"Ten." The blonde, serious kid, with hair almost as messy as his own, spoke up.

"You have already taught three children, without any previous training, and apparently considered them good enough to leave alone."

"They were twice as old as these guys when I found them! I can't deal with seven-year olds!"

"_Ten!"_ The blond is glaring. He is, again, ignored.

"These have passed through the Academy, and need a sensei. You fit the bill."

"I can't-"

"This is an _order._" The Sandaime's outburst does _wonders_ for his headache. Man. No more shouting.

"Ok, fine."

"Excellent. By the way, you need to know their names. They are Hasegawa-"

"No need. You guys," pointing at the three, "meet me at that," he points at the roof of a random building, about a mile away, "place in five minutes."

He opens the window, and concentrates fiercely. Jutsu aren't meant to be performed in combination with alcohol, even its aftereffects. Slowly, he performs all seven of the extended seal combination for a body-flicker, and disappears in smoke.

Two of the three pre-genin are shocked. _No one_ talks to the Hokage like that! The last one is focused. His hands come together in a final seal, and Namikaze Minato disappears in a puff of smoke.

* * *

><p>Maybe this was a bad idea, Minato wonders, as he reappears two hundred meters away, upside-down, and in midair. Immediately recreating any jutsu he saw, while fun, was hardly safe.<p>

He just couldn't help it.

_Oh shit, the ground._

A rapid twist let him land with his feet first, if a little awkwardly. Okay, a _lot_ awkwardly. Ow. Ankle hurt.

Still, how awesome was that! He'd mastered it on his first go, kinda, though he'd been trying to go a bit further and not upside-down, and not hurt his leg. This technique was awesome, and next time would be better. Maybe.

He formed the seals again, and disappeared.

* * *

><p>"You <em>utter <em>idiot!" This kid! What was he thinking!

"It worked though."

"If you can call injuring yourself and repeatedly stressing an injured ankle 'till you can't _walk_ working!"

"Well, it did."

"You landed _sideways_!"

"Better'n my first try. That's how I hurt myself. And I came _first._"

"_Idiot!"_

This fool was going to kill himself one day! Suddenly, Jiraiya had some sympathy for Sarutobi. Though he himself hadn't been _this_ bad, had he?

"Anyway, gotta take you to the hospital. 'Flicker-related injuries can be worse than they seem, and you're not even eight yet!"

"I'm _ten!"_

Thirty seconds later, 'twas two very bewildered genin who arrived on the rooftop, sat around for half an hour, and then went home.

-{0o0o0}-

A rather seedy bar was home to two of the most powerful shinobi in Konoha, one noticeably more shit-faced than the other (again).

"I'm tellin' ya, he's an idiot. Also may be a genius, it turns out."

"Do tell." Sakumo's tone was tolerant, and slightly amused.

"Well, I showed him the seal's forrthe Shunshin. He got it immeditly, sortof."

"All the seals?"

"Yeah, was a little hung over. I _can_ be careful at times, unlike this brat. He did it the moment after I showed him, twisted his ankle, and did it three more times."

Aghast was a fitting description of his new drinking buddy's face. "Three times! Injured!"

"Oh, yes. Somehow avoided hurtin' his leg further too. His second-to-fourth Shunshin were _perfect_, anythin' else might have torn the leg off. He has trouble with the _angle,_ though. Lands tilted or sideways for some reason."

"I've… never heard of that before."

"Yeah. Odd brat, that one."

"What was his name?"

"Minato. Heh. Didn't catch the names of the other ones."

The White Fang decided to empty his current drink. "I'll remember that."

Instantly veering off to another subject (Jiraiya was unpredictable at the best of times, except with women, but when drunk…) "Didya get anythin' last night?"

"I am married and you know it. I've mentioned it several times."

"Doesn't stop ya from havin' fun! 'Sides, ya got almost as much attention as meself!"

That was, in fact, a lie. Sakumo got _more_ attention from the ladies, though Jiraiya was more than happy to deal with the leftovers. It was a fruitful partnership, at least for him. Must be that mask.

"_Married_. Got a _son_."

"Ah. _Married." _Some folks got all disinterested from other members of the fairer sex when they got hitched. Still, more for him. «Wait, a son? Whassis name?"

"Kakashi."

"Hah. Keepin' that whole farming thin' goin' strong? What sort of a name is "scarecrow" anyway?"

His reply was remarkably frosty, though at this point the Sage hardly noticed. "A good one."

"Sure, sure… _Hey_ there, lovely! Howzitgoin?" The legendary pervert was distracted by his greatest weakness: a pretty woman coming to talk (to Sakumo). Damn mask.

And further alcohol was consumed.

* * *

><p>"I'm a <em>horrible<em> role model." You'd think he'd learn, after alcohol consumption landed his new student indirectly in the hospital, but noooooo. Jiraiya showed up for his first (second) team meeting both hung over and late.

"Yo."

Cue high-pitched, triple-throated scream.

"YOU'RE LATE!"

"Oh, god." Wincing quietly to himself, the great Toad Sage, Jiraiya of the Sannin, student of the Sandaime, War Hero, and truly awesome person, promised _revenge_.

"You brats… have another test to pass. Not genin yet. These bells," Here the walking headache held up a pair, "are the key. Those who get 'em, pass. If not, 's the Academy for you, if you don't just quit.

"Come at me with _intent_. If not, you'll fai-"

The blonde disappeared in an immediate Shunshin.

It was _on!_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Minato's here! Tell me what you think of the brat!


	8. SM8

Jiraiya was writing. That wasn't unusual, he often did, but at this moment he wasn't writing, you know, anything that could prove _exciting_. No, Jiraiya was writing about ninjutsu. Senjutsu, to be precise.

_Chakra will always disperse. This is regarded as a law of nature, but in certain situations the idea is inadequate. Sure, regular chakra does, otherwise you'd walk into lumps of concentrated energy wherever there exist enough ninja. Or samurai. Or even some of the more martially inclined varieties of monk. So, Chakra disperses._

_Where does it go?_

Jiraiya was writing because he just didn't _understand_. In fact, that might be why he ever began doing so. Old Hiruzen, sick and tired of complaints, pulling out a worn notebook and telling a whining student that _yes, _relationships were hard, _no,_ there wasn't some super-secret formula he was hiding, and maybe just writing the stuff down might make things clearer for him. It did. It did, and Jiraiya never actually got around to stopping. Apparently you could make money off it too.

_Chakra doesn't disappear, it just changes form. Again, an idea accepted as fact by most jutsu theorists, and one I'm much more inclined towards agreeing. So, after it is used in a technique, it's outside the body and in a different form, thus impossible to gather up and manipulate. Without Senjutsu._

Jiraiya never wrote about this stuff. Ninjutsu, as a concept and in practice, was something that just _clicked _for him. Having enough chakra to fling them around like cheap shruiken didn't hurt either. And you didn't become a recognized fuuinjutsu-specialist before you hit twenty-five without a certain amount (those who knew him would say a surprising amount) of smarts. But Senjutsu was somewhat harder to wrap his head around. Thus, sitting down and making sense of it through pen.

_Natural Chakra is __everywhere__. Oddly enough, the concentration seems roughly even throughout the Human Realm, the deepest, thickest jungle having an only slightly higher concentration than the most arid desert. The Summon Realm, of course, has a significantly higher background concentration. And Natural Chakra (the term is misleading, as Chakra is the combination of physical and spiritual energy, and Natural Chakra is no such thing) behaves __differently__._

And, of course, taking his mind off the fact that he now had an apprentice.

* * *

><p><em>His loudest (future?) student disappeared. Well, all of them disappeared, but the blond one was the only one to manage it in a halfway competent manner. The white-haired jonin couldn't even see him yet!<em>

_Actually, that was kinda worrying. Pre-Genin had no business being able to hide from a jonin. Unless he'd run away. Hah, he knew the brat had no-_

_A flicker of chakra, of movement, behind him to the left. Shunshin. Not a surprise, given the boy's wild enthusiasm for the technique yesterday. He'd have to do better than that!_

_He lashed out with a (fairly) gentle punch. Best eliminate any illusions this boy had about surprising a jonin._

_It missed. The boy was crouching under the punch, not dodging, just exiting the Shunshin in a crouch. Was that possible?_

_The boy rushed forward, hands still together in the single seal he'd used, and Jiraiya let fly with a slightly more spirited kick. The kid vanished before it could connect, just as his two compatriots decided to try their luck._

_He was about ready to pass the whole team, but as it turned out…_

…_The other two had no clue. Their working together seemed to be because both spotted the same opening and decided to exploit it in the same manner. Not because of any sort of teamwork, in other words._

_And each didn't adapt to the other. With the merest dodge, they very nearly took EACH OTHER out._

_Jiraiya would NOT train these fools. Bashing their heads together hard enough to knock them out, he extended his senses towards the only interesting brat anywhere near this stupid clearing._

_He had flung a brace of kunai, and was already in the middle of a Shunshin._

_But in order to get the bells he had to commit to an attack, and this time Jiraiya exploited that._

_They locked eyes for a moment, the brat giving a rueful grin, Jiraiya a considering one._

"_In order for something like that to work, you gotta get __**faster**__, brat."_

* * *

><p>"Tell me again why you're passing just the one, Jiraya?" Hiruzen sounded tired. He probably <em>was. <em>Hokage was a tiring position, even for a man who had held it for most of his life.

"The others failed the test." Jiraiya was keeping rigid control over his expression. Acting professional was often the best way of getting the Sandaime to let him do stuff, even if that stuff was less than professional in itself.

"But this Minato kid failed too." Good point,but

"He also showed potential. The others didn't, at all. I also _may_ have personally aggrieved him more than strictly necessary, preventing him from realizing the purpose of the test."

"He didn't work with his companions."

"He successfully tested the capabilities of a seasoned jonin, and escaped without injury."

"Hmm…" Finally, Hiruzen was beginning to see sense. The final blow!

"If he had been even half as fast as I am, that move, with the distraction, kunai and shunshin, might well have won him the match. Hell, with the capabilities I displayed to him he WOULD have won! I'm telling you, Hiruzen, this kid is a marvel. You gotta let me train him."

Hiruzen was apparently done considering. He fumbled with his pipe, lighting it. Whenever he did that, conversations were decided, one way or the other.

"You may have him. If you consent to staying in Konoha for his training, and taking, oh, 40 B-rank missions before going _anywhere._"

"Not the B-ranks, sensei-!"

"_Personally _selected missions, I must add." Hiruzen looked satisfied. Hell, even the smellof his tobacco was definitely, impossibly _smug_.

"Fine."

* * *

><p>Jiraiya was, yet again, writing. Fairly normal for him, though something was a bit off. Maybe it was the night air, beginning to approach chilly temperatures. A rarity for Konoha, even in winter. Maybe it was the lack of a significant amount of alcohol in his system, which had sadly enough become a staple of his time in Konoha.<p>

And maybe it was the higher than normal ANBU-activity outside his window. It hadn't been like that since the War.

Ah well. As he had not been summoned, it didn't concern him. Jiraiya went back to his notebook.

_There is another form of chakra. Unlike Human and Natural versions, it does not disperse into a smoothly concentrated mass._

_Demonic chakra gathers itself._

_This is the reason why the Bijuu cannot be killed. Composed solely of this substance, even when the body is completely destroyed-_

Poof.

Gama-kun gave him a nod.

"Really? Right now?"

Gama-kun inclined his head, with a certain, fatalistic sort of grace. There was no argument to be had.

"Fine, I'll-"

A LOUD knock on the door. Jiraiya gave Gama-kun a begging sort of look.

"At least give me two minutes."

As Gama-kun was considering, the knocking came again, and louder. Rougher. The door was literally shaking on its hinges, and that meant only one thing.

Gama-kun nodded, and dispersed into smoke, just as Sakumo TORE the door off its hinges.

A desperate shinobi.

"Jiraiya, I need you to watch my son."

Sakumo was ashen, his eyes twisted in horrible anger and sorrow. His mask was damp along its edge, and his voice was pleading.

"Sakumo, what's going on? You know I'll do it, but-"

"They killed my wife. I need you to take care of Kakashi, while I **HUNT **them **DOWN**."

"Oh, gods, man, are you sure you should be-"

A knock on the door. Soft, polite. The back door, the hidden door, the one only three people even knew existed.

"I've got to get this. It's either the Third or Orochimaru, and they would use it unless it's_ serious_."

Sakumo waved his hand in acquiescence, as Jiraya strode out of the room. This better be DAMN important, he couldn't leave Sakumo like this, but with the village in uproar it couldn't be anything _but_. Wrenching the door open he locked eyes with…

…Tsunade.

She stood before him, with just a hint more _life _in her eyes than he'd seen in half a decade.

She spoke.

"Jiraya, I am so-"

And as the unmistakable feel of a summoning enveloped him, he could see the apology in her eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Just want you all to know that it's been nearly a year since the last update, and I'm sorry too.**


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